Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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