Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize