I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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