In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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