Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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