...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
