I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
