we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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