Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Vodka?
Forever.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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