well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
