Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
