yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
