dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
