my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
