Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
