so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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