I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
