its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize