it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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