now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
