Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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