I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I need to calm my uterus...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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