I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize