every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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