TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize