He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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