I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
