so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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