So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
