Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
