Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
