Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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