Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
