She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
