How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
