I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
