You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
