It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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