hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
