Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
