You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize