They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
