Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
