She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
