I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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