At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
