Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
