she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
