dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
