Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
