Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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