Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
