...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
