Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
