Sry I called you an 8
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
