I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Ladies don't puke and tell
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize