Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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