Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
