Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
