He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
