They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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