It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
