My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
and i looked up. we had an audience...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize