Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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