lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
