well I can't set my house on fire every night
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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