Can i not drive my cunt home
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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