Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
