If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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