I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
