Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
