I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
