oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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