Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
