He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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