So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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