great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
